Tag Archives: plant a tree

Energy saving tips

  • If you have air-conditioning in the home, get rid of it. Take it in turns to keep each other cool by wafting giant fans, constructed from sustainable wood products.
  • If you have central heating in the home, get rid of it. Take it in turns to run around the house until you are hot and then hugging a member of the family who is feeling cold.
  • If you have a dishwasher, get rid of it. Wash all crockery and cutlery in rain water, using straw for scouring purposes. Hang washed items on a washing line, to dry in the fresh air. If a passing bird poos on any item, repeat the process.
  • If you have a washing machine, get rid of it. Wash all clothes in the nearest river, using straw for scouring purposes.
  • If you have a tumble dryer, get rid of it. Hang your clothes out to dry on a washing line. If a passing bird poos on any item, repeat the process.
  • Another good way of drying wet clothes is to put them on and then run around a lot until they’re dry. This may get them a bit sweaty, in which case you’ll need to wash them again (see above).
  • If you have a computer, get rid of it.
  • If you have a TV, get rid of it.
  • Don’t bathe or shower indoors. Wait until it rains and then wash outside, using straw for scouring purposes. If a passing bird poos on you, repeat the process.
  • If you must bathe or shower indoors, make sure you share it with at least two other people.
  • Make sure your home is adequately insulated. If it isn’t, take the stuffing out of your furniture and cram it into every bit of roof space and wall cavity.
  • If you have any open fireplaces, brick them up.
  • Sit in the dark as often as possible.
  • Get used to drinking cold tea, made with cold water.
  • If you have a car, get rid of it.
  • Don’t throw anything away. Let all your rubbish accumulate until you can think of something useful to do with it.
  • If you feel cold, put on more clothes and/or get the member of your family who’s been running around to hug you.
  • Work from home, regardless of your job. Explain to your boss that you are doing it to save the planet. He / she is sure to understand.
  • Take empty beer bottles back to the brewery and ask them for re-fills.
  • Turn your wheelie-bin into a compost bin, by chucking a few worms on top of the rubbish it already contains. You can use the resulting compost for something worthy, I expect.
  • Prudent use of toilet tissue, with careful post-use drying on the loo windowsill, can extend the life of a typical sheet to at least four wipes.
  • Don’t flush the loo until it’s in danger of over-flowing. Reduce the amount of water wasted with each flush by filling the cistern with concrete.
  • Sneer at anyone with a carrier bag.
  • Stop buying books. Encourage family members to write their own stories on the walls of your house.
  • Don’t waste water on grass and plants. Let them die, unless they’re trees (see below).
  • Plant as many trees as you can fit on your property. This will help to reduce CO2. Don’t worry about damage to the foundations caused by the roots; it’s just nature.
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